I Am Not Yours – by Judith Staff

*trigger warning – violence

Ocean-green eyes
Television smile     
My friends excited for me

Our first date
Walking close and talking
Holding my hand too hard

I just felt like salad
But, no; you said apparently
“Guys hate girls who do that”

Summer nights
Out on the town
A firm grasp on my wrist

Parking lot deserted
Hot fury bursts out of nowhere
Slammed backwards against a car

What have I done or said?
Shock suspends thoughts in mid-air
As crushing body-weight overpowers my frame

Hard to breathe
Car-door pressing into my back
Tongue thrust harshly, deep into my throat

Violent, rage-filled kiss
Incongruity – painful affection
Wondering whether my lip is bleeding

Releasing my body
Sharply gripping my arm
Consider it a lesson – (in something)

Next day, flowers
Twelve apologetic red roses,
A poem: “You are mine FOREVER”

Funhouse-flavoured depravity
A rhyme of inescapable demands
All soaked in sugar; love choking me, gently

Stifled and afraid
I don’t want to see him anymore
But boys like that won’t be told “No”

Seventeen, crying in the dark
Home alone, ignoring the phone
While the tape fills with chilling words

Five, ten, fifteen, more
Message after message
Final threat: “I’m coming for you now”

Packing randomly, distraught
Out into the night, fleeing to a friend’s
Words like fiery echoes unsilenced: sleep evades me

Following me, an icy gaze of contempt
If those ocean-green eyes fired bullets
I would bleed to death, riddled by jilted glares

Distressed tears of exhaustion
Everyone insisting “Leave her alone!”
“You’re scaring her!” – this: his very fantasy

Afraid to walk home, call for help
“Enough is bloody enough!” they declare
He vanishes then, chased away by power and wealth.

Safe at last
Still, I watch my back.
Because “I am NOT yours.”