Body-Mind Quandary

Body-Mind Quandary – by JCStaff

Prioritize your health.20200523_083146
Sounds simple enough.
But it is not. For some,
physical health and mental health
are diametrically opposed to each other.
I developed anorexia nervosa in my late teens,
Then spent a good number of years starving;
nearly to death, on occasion.
Today, I am healthy, physically.
My weight is in a normal range,
my bone density has regenerated,
my menstrual cycle follows the moon.
Though decades later, the anorexic brain lives on,
long after the calorie counting quietens to a whisper,
and average-sized women’s clothing on racks fits again.
Health is the priority, true: but choosing is a daily battle daily,
for those with disordered relationships to food.
Our mental health or our physical health;
Which of them matters the most?
If we eat normally, we feel guilty;
If we feel guilty, we want to restrict;
If we restrict food, we struggle with exercise;
If we can’t exercise, we feel enormous;
If we feel enormous, we over-exercise;
If we over-exercise, we suffer injuries;
If we are injured, we struggle with exercise;
If we can’t exercise, we don’t want to eat;
If we don’t eat, we cannot think straight.
This is not the end, but it gets tedious, doesn’t it?
All the while, quietly observing this tense game
of moral ping-pong is our tattered metabolism,
forever striving to end play, yet frozen
in a constant state of confusion.

One thought on “Body-Mind Quandary

  1. So true, Judith. It’s a constant battle, isn’t it? I know you know this, yet it’s important to stress that so much of this is tied to being abused when we were young. Our brains are intrinsically tied to this war within ourselves, and so much of it is coded into our brains. It’s not conscious.

    We have to stop blaming ourselves. I hope you know how much I adore you and love your honesty. Hugs, my warrior sister.


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